Confrontation …. Hostility …. Anger! We live in a world where contentious encounters seem to be part and parcel of everyday life. It is true. Emotions like these have a way of slamming you when you least expect it. Consider the following three examples.
How do you react when some guy forces his way into your lane of traffic, giving you the finger as he cuts you off? Your first instinct is to lay on the horn and return the gesture.
What do you do when a conversation about some political issue suddenly turns ugly? For example, you innocently mention that a certain Supreme Court nominee appears to be highly qualified. Immediately you are accused of being in the tank for the conservative crazies who put forth the candidate. Or, of course, being in the tank for the bleeding-heart liberals who are ruining the character of our country. (Take your pick.) In either case, you are being called an idiot who is not able to understand the real issue at stake. You bristle at the accusation and are about to launch a counterattack on your accuser’s character.
Or, how do you react when you are called a White Supremacist just because you are, well, white? Do you bristle with indignation and call out your accuser for being a self-inflicted victim?
None of your responses to these three hypothetical confrontations is likely to yield a positive result. On the contrary, upward escalation of the confrontation is guaranteed. Not good.
What can you do to turn things in a more positive direction? For me, the answer is easy. I take a breath and say to myself, “It’s not about you, Brett.” This simple phrase has saved me from anger, hostility, anxiety, and a whole host of other negative emotions.
Try it next time you stumble into a hostile confrontation. Use that mantra, substituting your own name for my name. Doing that will lessen the likelihood of a bad outcome. It works for me and it can work for you.
For another trick to extricate yourself from a potentially hostile encounter, see my essay, “Three Powerful Words.”